Last night in the dorms!

Oh yeah, baby. Those home cooked meals are calling out to me, softly, sizzling, singing my name.

I went to Monaco on Sunday which is not (as I had originally thought) a city but its own country. We casually strolled the streets while Ferraris sped past and Rolls Royces were parked on every corner. Sick. I felt like I was in Disneyland times 1000.

Monaco has one of the most intriguing aquariums I have ever encountered in all my 20 years of aquarium expertise. There were turtles of gigantic proportions, fish of the oddest shapes, and colors, colors, colors! The aquarium is in a palace (of course) right on a cliff of the Mediterranean coast. The chandeliers were either made of glass shells or shaped like urchins. There was an exhibit on the upper floors dedicated to French-American marine exploration. Sheesh, my head could not stop spinning with ideas for paintings and stories and costumes!

Tomorrow I take the placement test for language school. It might do me some good to review. I'm so excited to actually focus on something! Classes will, then, begin on Monday...

Rae, who says you weren't meant to be in France?! 

Yeah, I could be the Princess of Monaco. 

Louis XIV lived here when in Aix. I live here in my dreams. 

Death by phone cards

To those of you I did not get to talk to or to those of you in mid sentence when my phone card expired, I am so sorry. Never fear. There are always more phone cards and plenty of other phones in the world.

Thank you again for all of your love and support--being there for me during the tough times and the good. And thanks to those who give silly speeches in my place--the world is a better place because of it!

Today was RAINY but I went into town anyway. I visited all of the very hip clothing stores. I heard a street band playing "Rolling on the River" and "House of the Rising Sun," two of my favorite songs. I went into a book store that seemed to keep expanding no matter how far I got into it.

Pictures have finally arrived!!!!

Bleu? 

Toilets were never meant to be faucets. 

The view outside my window. For you art buffs: that's the mountain that Paul Cezanne is famous for painting (I WILL know the name eventually). 

I hear from a very reputable source that Mr. Bean has taken to fits of drinking since I've left. 

Pictures have arrived! sort of...

I actually got myself an adapter today and can hook up my laptop to the internet. But for some odd reason the whole Picassa/Blogger thing isn't working for me right now. So, the pictures are close at hand and, yet, still so far away.

A Fun New Game called What Do You Do With Yourself When You Still have a Week Left Before School Starts and It's Nearly Impossible to Connect with the Two Friends You have Made:

Buy a bus pass for the year in a foreign country. Pick a number. Ride that bus and see where it takes you. On bus #6 I ended up in a French country club. There were tennis courts, a rock climbing wall, a swimming pool. But I kept walking. I somehow found myself by a muddy river in the cool of the shade. It was refreshing to see something outside of the city's center.

I have found a "family!" God is to be praised! Yet, it is not exactly what I was expecting. It is one woman who opens up her house to three students. The other students will be Japanese for the first month. So, even to communicate with them I have to speak French. My feelings about this situation are going up and down right now. One moment I think "it's a perfect fit for me" and the next, well, I am showered with disappointment. But I know that when I met with her I was happy and my instincts were not resisting as they did in the first woman's house. I have to trust my instincts. I don't know how God is going to work in this and why my "dream family" is not a part of the plan. I don't know. Patience and trust. Patience and trust. What a test!

The weekend.

I woke up this morning feeling pretty down. I think I'm homesick. Not for a home because I don't quite know where that is but for the people who know me and love me.

Yesterday, the CSU students went to Marseilles. It is, I believe, one of the oldest cities in France. It's right on the Mediterranean. Could I possibly describe to you how blue that water is? I saw two churches, ate sherbert, and had the most wonderful bouillabaisse soup (not quite in that order but emphasis needed to be placed on the soup). I'm finding I should have one blog to tell you about everything that's happening and then one blog to write about all the food. Marseilles is famous for bouillabaisse soup, a sort of fish stew.

Friday, I met with a woman to see if I wanted to live with her for the year. She lives by herself, however, somewhat far from town. And that's when I realized I truly love being around people. I've lived with only one person before and it is so lonely. So, hopefully, I will be able to find a family this week with lots of people.

Since Jason seems so anxious to know if I've tried the wine (and I'm sure others are curious), I have. I had some with dinner Friday night. See. Responsibility. Heh heh.

And then it is necessary to mention that, on our way home from dinner Friday night, we saw a full orchestra playing outside in front of Louis XIV's residence. I wished for you all because I know that we would be dancing (and AJ might just be standing, contemplating the beauty of the music).

They do love their bread.

Yesterday, a couple of girls and I were sitting on a bench eating bread and peaches. We noticed that the ants only went for the bread crumbs on the ground, never the pieces of peach that would drip from our mouthes. And that is when we concluded that those were, indeed, French ants. They love their bread. I have had some form of bread as my main entre for the past five meals. I've had a baguette for three of those meals. I am now on the intensive carbohydrate diet. Yeah, baby. But let me tell you. This bread is to die for.

We, also, passed by a farmer's market today. I bought raspberries for lunch from this very cute old woman. They must have been the juiciest, freshest raspberries I've ever tasted. Needless to say, I'm loving the food--and I haven't even had the fancy stuff yet.

After I broke off from the group, I wandered around the city on foot (of course). I bought a salad. Little victories. I asked for it with ease but then the merchant started giving me choices of what else I wanted on it. "Oui...oui...oui," I said again and again, not completely sure of what he was saying. It was later when I realized he was asking if I wanted this or that. And I just kept saying yes. Sigh...my cover was blown once again. It's always nice when I can successfully fool a French person into thinking I'm French.

And now I'm in a computer lab that is open for CSU students. There are two of them in town. So, right now, I have easy access to the internet. I don't know if this is the best condition for talking on my handy dandy headset because there are others around but I will eventually find a place to do so. These first two weeks are teaching me a lot on patience. I think we, as Americans, want to figure everything out right away whereas the French system of life is more laid back. You can't get ahead of the game. I have to take everything in stride.

The second time in a week!

Wow, I'm actually writing more on this now that I'm farther away. Maybe because there's actually stuff to write about. The keyboard, for example. On the French keyboard the "a" is where the "q" should be. The "," is where the the "m" should be. "Z" takes the place of "w". So, if for qny odd reqson ,y letters stqrt getting ,ixed up qnd I', not ,qking qny sense, just understqnd thqt this is Frqnce qnd this is hoz they do it.

I spent the morning in an info session on general topics about the program here. Tomorrow there's a session on housing. That's when I see what homestays are available. Right now, I'm living in the dorms. It's bare but the view is great and I actually have my own room.

C'est tout. I have a long line behind me trying to get at this computer. Till we meet again!

Je me suis arrivee!

I'm here! It feels like I've been living in one continous day since Sunday. I am so tired. Nothing too poetic today. Just wanted to let everyone know that I am safe and I made it!

It turns out I don't have classes until the beginning of September. I'll be spending the next two weeks getting adjusted and hopefully finding a family to live with.

I'm having a grand ol' time talking to the French people around here. I know more than I thought and that makes me so happy. Shoot, a year here and I might even know Italian. Kick butt.

I love you all!

Precisely my feelings on this point. 

l'argent!!!

Guess who also got her euros and is extremely pumped?!

My Future Car 

California cruisin.

Guess who got her California learner's permit today? And guess who drove all the way to Downtown Disney by way of the 57 freeway?

You are captivating.

The reason a woman wants a beauty to unveil, the reason she asks, Do you delight in me? is simply that God does as well. God is captivating beauty. As David prays, "One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek...that I may...gaze upon the beauty of the LORD" (Ps. 27:4). Can there be any doubt that God wants to be worshipped? That He wants to be seen, and for us to be captivated by what we see?

(excerpt from Wild at Heart by John Eldredge)

A few of us were talking the other day about whether or not refering to a woman as "chick" is derogatory. I could give my opinion on this but that's not the real issue here. I am just wondering why I get so heated and defensive when it comes to women. Whenever I hear the word feminism (lately spoken with a negative connotation) my blood starts to boil in defense. Just mention the word and anger emerges. I may not vocalize it but its there. If you wanted to offend me you could very easily do so by delving into this subject with me. I do not know where this anger came from. Perhaps it birthed from the interaction of my parents or the jerk boys I met at school or my desire to be strong and independent and valued.

I am realizing that I do hold a bitterness against men. That is why this year is so significant. I am finally building relationships with men, slowly learning to trust them, cautiously realizing that trustworthy men exist.

But throughout middle and high school my views were much different. I did not dress up (except when performing or going to dances). I hated to even think that some stupid guy would look at me in the wrong way. It made me sick. So I stuck to my t-shirts and pajama pants, proud to dress how I darn well pleased. It was my way of controlling the situation--controlling the sick minds of men. Ha. I'll show them. I'm just beginning to learn that it's okay to be feminine, to dress up, to wear things that are flattering.

This all came up in a conversation with Melissa today. That's when I, for the first time, started to vocalize this buried anger. I, for the first time, realized how much of my interaction with men and women in the past has been affected by this. She recommended a book called Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. John wrote Wild at Heart. Captivating is a similar sort of book about women. I've only read 40 pages but already highly recommend it for both women and men alike.

There is more here that needs to take place in me than just forgiving men. I need to find what it means to be woman. Not my "womanly" roles and duties. heck, no. This is, also, about unveiling the character and beauty of God. I'm discovering Him in ways I never knew existed. He unveils His beauty through women!

When words refuse to work, paint pictures

I'm not sure now is the time to write anything. Whatever I write won't make much sense. There might be a story here, an antedote there. Funny stories to mask the heaviness of heart. I'd much rather paint for you the veins of my soul. Show you how everything beats, pounds within me. Restless. Why am I so restless? I feel like I'm waiting in anxious anticipation for some day of greatness. When will I know that day has arrived?

I will rise one day and exclaim,
This is my day of greatness.

Right.
I want to be at peace.
I do not want to be content.
I hate the word stuck.

I do not expect you to know how to respond to this. I warned you. I could have written a comic tale (believe me, there are plenty to spill) but I couldn't. Will I always have such a war raging within me?