Survival Guide to Living in France

What, a car? That's okay. Run!!!
Do not hesitate. If you see a car coming, cross the street anyway. Laure and I look like headless chickens trying to get to the other side. "Now?" I say. "Umm..." says Laure. A group of French people haul it across the street. "Now?" Laure says. "Umm..." I say. Another flock flies across. "Now!" I say and book it. I get stuck in the middle of the road. Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he's French!

Watch your weather.
The weather man is a celebrity in France. I hear he's married and has a couple of kids. When the weather comes on during dinner, all conversation stops, Odile grabs the remote and turns up the volume. "Le Metéo!" she exclaims. We see a few gray clouds hovering over Southern France. "Ahhhhh, ohhhhh, it's going to rain!" Sometimes, there's a fat yellow sun on top of Provence. This extracts the same dramatic sounds. "It's going to be a nice day tomorrow!" or "Ahhhhh, ohhhhh, it's going to be warmer tomorrow!" or "Ahhhhh, ohhhhhhh, it's going to be COLD tomorrow!" Who needs the movie theatre when you can watch the metéo?