There is a sign in front of mine
It's official. There is a "for sale" sign in front of my house back home ("home" being New Orleans in this context). My parents will be moving to Dallas soon.
I've been wondering why it's so blasted hard for me to get over being homesick--or just sick as in lonely or sad or depressed. I am a living paradox. There are so many beautiful things to appreciate here. It is a dream, my dream. I want to tell you that I'm having the best of times and I am. Yet, the minute I say that I feel the knot in my stomach swell. How can I be so inspired and heart broken at the same time?
It comes to this, I guess:
Nothing is the same and I am grieving. One day I will return to familiar faces but, for the moment, there is not a single thing of the past. In times like these we revisit memories of childhood, but the places of my childhood no longer stand. They are flooded, destroyed, taken in the arms of a greedy wind. And I just want to have a good cry.
So, I will continue to tell you about the kissing practice and the really good food. I will describe the breathtaking countryside and the smell of fresh bread. I will dream for you in French, if you like. Just know the dreams we fight for do, indeed, put up a fight.
posted by Narisilme @ 6:58 AM
9 Comments:
Eleonore,
Je voudrais te dire que je suis tellement devastee au sujet de ta maison d'enfance. Je prierai pour toi et tout ce qui me concerne. Pendant mon temps chez toi, j'ai appris que tant d'habitants vendaient leurs maisons sans aucune intention de revenir. Dans ce cas; alors, tu n'est pas la seule au monde. Bien que quelques habitants esperent restaurer leurs maisons pour y emmenager apres quelques temps, il ne reste aucune doute dans mon esprit que tels desastres comme les orages et les ouragans vont s'intensifier pendant les annees qui viendront. Alors, pour ta propre famille et les autres qui ne reviendront pas, je crois que cette decision etait la meilleure (bien que ce soit dure) pour eviter ce qui pourrait arriver dans l'avenir. J'espere t'encourager que bientot le Seigneur viendra nous emporter au ciel pour que nous soyons avec Lui pour toujours. Il comprend totalement tes situations ainsi que les miens; c'est pour ca que je desire incluir une priere avec ce message:
Seigneur,
Je commis ma chere amie Eleonore dans Tes mains. Je prie que Tu la confortes et la gardes pendant le reste de son temps en France. Bien qu'elle soit obligee de quitter tant de memoires de son enfance, je prie que sa nouvelle maison a Dallas soit aussi agreable que celle qu'elle avait avant. Bien que cette amie me manque, je sais maintenant que Tu l'as apportee en France comme une grande inspiration pour qu'elle echappe ce qui etait a venir chez soi. Je te remercie aussi pour l'opportunite d'y aider et travailler avec ceux dont les maisons ont ete detruites par Katrina. Dans cette nouvelle environnement a Texas ou elle doit s'adapter de nouveau, je prie que Tu la proteges et la benies avec tant de nouveaux amis merveilleux qui T'adorent et qui l'acueilleront. Je prie que Tu confortes ses parents et le reste de sa famille aussi.
Au nom de Jesus.
Amen.
Alors, mon amie, il ne faut plus s'inquieter. Nous avons prie et Jesus va te garder dans Ses bras pour toujours n'importe quoi.
Je te souhaite une bonne annee 2006. Que Dieu te benisse.
Alice
Alice,
Merci pour ton encouragement et tes prières. Et je ne peux pas attendre le jour lorsque nous pouvons parler face à face (en français!). Merci encore une fois. Ca m'aide beaucoup. Bonne année!
Hrm...I know (a little tiny bit) how you feel. I've never had things to the extent you have them now, but I have had them such.
I highly reccomend that good cry. Those can be very good for you.
What you don't know now is that when you return to the states you will feel homesick for France.
Becoming a citizen of a larger world means you feel more at home everywhere but less at home in any specific place.
Yes, New Orleans is changed, but so are you.
A propos, Eleonore, que signifie "narisilme" et comment le prononce-t-on?
Alice
Mon nom "narisilme" veut dire "la lumière enflammé de la lune" dans la langue des elfes. Il vient du nom Helen (qui veut dire "torche" ou "lumière") qui est devenu Eleanor. On le prononce nar-rih-sil-meh. Mon ami Rae me l'a donné.
C'est interessant!
Alice
Eleanor: Yes it must be very confusing to enjoy and yet grieve. This is a time when we lean heavily on the Lord to provide us the strength and the knowledge of what is happening in our physical world. We can relate to the past generations of war torn places that have been destroyed - yet there are survivors who can share with others what had been and is no longer visible. So enjoy the moments you have there in France with no guilt. These visions of beauty will remain with you to replace those misery feelings.
Love you - and wish could hold you on my lap. (Yep, like I could)
Aunt Jo
Well my dear, it saddens my heart to know you miss it so. Although i cannot call it home, i often wished it was... and now it probably never will be. the only thing really worth saying:
"A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;... A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;... He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end."
obviously i dont want to be another repetitive jerk who is loosely applying verses to your circumstance... but I love you, and God loves you... It will take time to mend, it took me 7 years to let go of Fresno (my childhood) and i still feel a sense of loss when it is mentioned.
What happened to your home could be one of many things... it could have been an extra push from God for you to start a new season in your life, it could have been the opportunity for your parents to start over, it could have even just been a trial... what ever it was God will make good of it.
New Orleans will always be apart of Eleanor, and what you have lost is great... but you can never loose what you carry with you.
Have a good cry, because that too is a season... but dont loose yourself to depression. (im one to talk :P) i cant bear the thought of you so sad.
who ever said you will be homesick for france is right. I get homesick for Ann's in hawaii, that home in that place is everything i imagined my home to be (and now i have found that it too will no longer be) it is a shame we cannot create a place where we bring all the locations we love into one. ;) i could go on…
I know you hurt, and i would never try to convince you otherwise. just know i love you! you are in my prayers. wont it be wonderful someday when the world is new and we wont feel broken by leaving, because everywhere will be home?! :D it certainly makes me smile!
Dream for me in French, and ill dream for you in jazz! dont forget to keep dancing!
ton rasoir
Post a Comment
<< Home